northwest soon

i really want to make it out to Rainfest 2009. last year's line up looked great and i predict it to only get better. three reasons i want to go:

1. dope bands (sorry for saying dope)
2. see old friends, cody and tyler
3. see what the northwest is like as i plan on living there soon

the fest happens around late may so i've got plenty of time to get things in order ie. who wants to come, how i'll get there (amtracking might be a good idea), and getting a piggy bank going.

crossing my fingers

at the moment...

i haven't done anything today but for watch star wars and listen to saves the day. last night was awesome, it was aaron's birthday.

can't complain

i don't know what is going on but for the last two days, i've been being followed by a really awesome smell. it smells pretty, this is awesome.

so fresh so clean

i like to use clean and clear because it reminds me when i was fourteen. puberty was fun.

is this really happening?

im actually speechless. i never in a million years thought i'd ever see Cro-mags. violation opening for them makes it that much more mandatory that im there, i could give a shit less wether it was free or not. i just have to get through a geography exam and the most bring class ever and im there.

currently jamming:
cro-mags-alpha and omega

compulsive repulsion (it never ends)

and so my yearning to live in the state of Washington continues. just learning that i can transfer to out of state colleges blew my mind. shooting for university of Washington because they have a good marine bio program.

as much as i want to want to listen to Tragedy, i really should go to sleep. ok, good night.

friday

I had the most fun I’ve had in so long tonight.

Originally the plan for this Friday night was that I was going to drive Jesse and myself to a show in riverside but my car bit the dust and Jesse offered to drive. we went to go gas up when Jesse remembered that he left his money at home. We decided that riverside can go fuck itself and we went to go hangout in Hollywood. Amoeba was going to be out first destination but we got lost and ended up in Santa Monica. Honestly, I didn’t realize that LA was so close to the ocean. Jesse got us coffee for seventy cents at boarders, from here, when went to go hangout on the pier. Santa Monica pier is sooo cool, this was my first time. We split a funnel cake and Jesse decided that he wanted to get a portrait of himself done. It came out soo good it's hilarious. The best part is that the artist got Jesse’s trap them shirt in it. hahah

After chilling on the pier, we thought that we'd try again for amoeba bc they close at midnight. We got on sunset but made the wrong turn and ended up back at the ocean. Backtracking, we finally made to the city only to find the amoeba staff locking up for the night.



Yeah tonight was really fun, even though it was just talking, blasting music and driving. Just what I needed.

On a totally different note, check out my dog. He's all big and puffy now.


*****************

Check out Bayside if you haven't already. So good, it's like alkaline trio meets saves the day.

Download this now:
Bayside-the walking wounded
http://www.megaupload.com/

it happened

i thought the day would never come. it was horrible. today, i sharded. i blame it on my poor eating habits this morning; half a kirspy kreme donut and a bottle of apple cider. for a good twenty minutes, i was ravaged by a horrible case of diarrhea. fuck i was doing so good.

braingasm!

does anyone else view their lives as though it's a movie or a book? i find myself narrating in my head sometimes. i keep waiting for the montage to start haha.

my classes start tomorrow, most of them are intro classes. what can i say, i like to be the older guy in the group..

Fuck Yeah Fest is on Saturday. stoked as a mother fucka


peace. goodnight.

crippled

my car broke down today again, ughh...im car less now. i was at a stop light in Stevenson Ranch when it kind of stuttered then when i pulled into a parking lot, it finally died. i ended up calling AAA, canceling them bc i got my car to start again, then calling them up again bc it died once more. the guy that came to tow me was cool, he looked like a savage. what really got me was that i was planning to go down to the city today to buy some shirts. if my car died out there, i would've shat my self.

im supposed to be going to this fest in Echo Park on August 30 but i don't know if that'll happen anymore since i offered to drive. speaking of music fests, Sound and Fury 2008, soo good. wish i had gone all three days but still, it was a lot of fun. i rode up to SB with Mel and Jeremy and had a blast.

Jon and i have been completely nerding out these last couple of days on the Metal Gear Solid trilogy. it started when we were chilling at his house and decided to to to every store in SCV bc we had an unbelievable urge to play some MGS. this guy who worked at Target, fuck, he made my night. we asked him if they had the game, and with the most honest eyes i've ever seen, he said "naw..but i've been there." i almost fucking died laughing.

not much to report about. Fucked Up's new record comes out in November. the clouds are coming back, i am so excited! fall is almost here.

dolla dolla bill y'all / Lenin revisited

so i just sold my bike frame on craiglist. i got like eleventy billion emails, you know cus small frames are hard to find. so basically i had kids swinging from my nuts cus i priced it at 35 bones; basically a fucking steal. i meet up with this girl Sara in Sylmar to sell her the frame and i drive back home, stoked that i made some cash and that this stupid responding to emails ordeal is over (i mass emailed everyone before i left, telling them that the frame is spoken for). i come home to find this in my inbox:

yeah fuck you too, guy. im not gonna lie though, this made me laugh.

the rest of my day was spent packing for Sound and Fury. Alex let me borrow his Chrome bag for the weekend. i really like it, i might have to snag one. Hahah, Alex has vertigo, i know it sucks, but god it's funny to watch. and so goes the waiting game. i can't really afford to go to all three days, so i'm just gonna go for the last two days. day two, im kinda into, i just wanna see GU!. day three is full of some awesome bangers like Pressure, Lewd Acts, Alpha/Omega, Sinking Ships, etc. this is where i'll be all weekend, hopefully camping; tyler, you gotta get at me.



************
something i just remembered:
the guy Lenin, two posts ago, he worked on the Gates surrounding Jonathan Davis' house, you know, the singer of Korn. Lenin described the rock star as being "the son of the devil". another cool thing about Lenin, his wife is the artist who started the chalk festival here in Valencia.

lesson of the day: people are fucking cool, talk to them

i don't feel good

i miss everyone. it used to be that whenever i was feeling like an emotional wreck, i would call up my friends and they would make me feel better. that's out the window, though, because all my favorite people have moved away or we somehow drifted apart. i know i could always search them out and get a hold of them but that would take a long time and by then, i'd would have buried myself into an even deeper hole. i miss how it used to be. the people in my life now, they can't help like my old freinds; they're either too young to understand or don't understand at all. the rest will just give me a "yeah man that sucks," or a "i know man." shut the fuck up! you dont know where i'm coming from! get out of here.

on the outside, i would be making fun of kids who do nothing but talk about old times. i would be telling them to "grow the fuck up". i know i'm being a total hypocrite but it's true, i miss how it was two years ago. today i think i reached the numb feeling. not like the numb feeling that druggies get, i don't even know that feeling. i was sitting in a chair while my friend was on my computer and i couldn't think of anything anything that i wanted to do that would get make me happy; furthermore, i couldn't think of anything that would make me sad. Sound and Fury is this weekend but i don't even know if i'm going, so im not too stoked on it. if i don't end up going, what will i do with all of this money i've saved up? i could buy something for myself, but i don't know what that would be; i wouldn't really be happy, you know?

if you didn't know, im in a deep hole with school. i have really bad grades and i end up lying to my dad about it. he finds out and then i get bummed because im being a horrible person. i try, i honestly do. i've come to the conclusion that i have the worst luck ever. hell, i shouldn't blame it on luck, this is all on me...fuck!

things like this just totally justify the saying: your born alone. you'll die alone. im trying not to turn into the fucked up emotional wreck who'll be the next episode of Intervention (if you read this, please don't think i'm going to kill myself, haha. i know this is some depressing shit but this is just me whinnying). what can you do though? guess i do what i always do, tell myself "thats life" and trudge on with my head up.

yeah dude, fuck communism

Fuuuck today was cool. I woke up early to get help out at Alex’s swap meet sale. It was nice when we got there, there was am fog for a good two hours, and then it got hot and dreadful…oh god, was it dreadful. Alex was selling shit to buy a moped so that he can travel to Georgia to be with the love of his life, it was a good story but it changed with every customer.
So for six hours, we were just chillin hard, cranking out the jams, and selling stuff. There were a lot of cool clothes, stuff like sunglasses, cameras, general knick knacks, art books, and a playstation that for the life of it would not be sold. Our neighbor to the left was really cool; he was like a city guy mixed in with a red neck. He made some cool jokes and helped us out a bunch, plus he put up with our obnoxious loud music. He was selling army clothes, movies, and some giant safes. Our neighbor to the right was this Mexican family selling clothes. Their kids were way fun to joke around with. There was this little girl who seemed really shy; by the end of the day, she bought some fly American Apparel jeans. Boys are soo gonna be all over her. The little boy was cool cus he would just walk around our lot and look at things and I would just smile at him. At the end of the day, I snuck him Tetris for gameboy, he was stoked.
Right as we started unloading, homeboys swarmed all over once the six or so Lego sets hit the floor, it was wild. This dude bought all of them for a hundred and twenty bucks. (Funny story about how Alex acquired so many Lego sets: I guess a relative of his was in the war and was so fucked up when he got back. To help with his PTSD, he bought hundreds of Lego sets. He ended up leaving his wife, the rest is history). So yeah, the day started out looking really good. Haha, in the first couple of hours, I ran into my cousin who, by sheer coincidence, happened to be in the area. Other familiar faces came by, like Guillermo (I love how every time I see him, nowadays, it’s totally random, Chelsea Moyeda and her guy friend, Shane, Kenny Butler, and some kids from high school that I didn’t remember. This guy was cool, his name is Lennin and he can fucking shred on guitar. He played us some mariachi music then proceeded to blow my fucking mind when he played House of the Rising Sun. Shit was dope. He also schooled us in some philosophical shit. So stoke that he bought those loafers.
In the end we sold up to four hundred plus dollars worth of stuff.
When we left, Alex bought me Starbucks and I bought him smokes. We went to my house and chilled for a bit then I dropped him and the remaining stuff off at his house. I came out with this rad early Stussy hat, a wild tank top that exudes awesome, and two star wars games for SNES. Today was a good as fuck day.
The downside of today: my dad is being a prick and Jon is getting more and more awkward. Fuck that guy. I’m heading out for some Chinese.

this was too funny




TOP 5
1. Sound and Fury 2008
2. Raspberry tea cookies
3. Having only one class
4. Friends being awesome
5. Summer attire

TOP 5 OF SUCK
1. Sound and Fury funds are kind of low
2. Sill haven’t got my records/ shirts in the mail
3. My dad being a cock muncher
4. Miss the old friends
5. I need new clothes

AC at night is amazing

I desperately need it to rain soon, that or some awesome grey skies with cold freezing wind. That would be nice; I can’t stand Los Angeles sometimes. when i leave, to live on my own, I’m gonna make sure that there are lots and lots of trees, so i guess I’m going far.

I cut my hair a while ago, well I had my friend cut it. It came out nice but now i really want a new five panel hat. haha

I hung out with Brandon yesterday, it was cool catching up. We had sushi and went go see if Daniela or Britney could chill for a bit because neither of us had seen each other in ages-didn’t pan out. Oh well, it's cool. Alex is in Georgia right now, so I haven’t really been seeing too many faces; on the other hand, I have been getting lots of homework done. i wonder what it'll be like when he's back...will I put off school for funness? Again?

Been doing the same stuff; I have summer classes so that takes up all of my time. I have about a million things coming in the mail: numerous records and shirt. I am sooo soo stoked for sound and fury 08. I’m gonna get to see my friends that I never get to see because they don’t live in California.

I found some pictures on my computer account at my aunts house and it just blew my mind. Check it out:






credit goes to britney p.




top 5 as of now( in no particular order)
-swamp thing
-tea lattes
-air contitioning at night
-backyard mind fucking (looking at stars)
-high school seniors taking summer classes (had to say it)

crisis averted/ lazy monday

Yesterday was pretty funny.

I woke up with nothing planned to do. I decided that I’d go to my mom's house and just lay around watching TV with my hand somewhat down my pants, like Al Bundy. I took a shower and drove on down to my mom's house. "I’ve got this whole house to myself", I thought to myself with a smirk on my face.
With that, I reached into the glove compartment and lit up a cigarette. i tried to look as bad ass as possible while driving (mind you, I don’t ever smoke, just on special occasions I’ll have one). So there’s smoke everywhere and I’m struggling to keep concentrated on the road, all while making sure not to drop any ashes in the car; if you were in the car behind me, you'd think I was drunk or impaired or something.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I threw the cigarette butt on the roof and unlocked the front door. "Hi Jeff" yelled my mom, looking ecstatic.
“What the fuck?!” I thought to myself.
I was completely caught off guard so I rushed over to the restroom and put my pack of smokes in my back pocket where they'd be hidden. I was a little panicked for a good couple of seconds, when I came to, I checked to see if I smelled like smoke. I didn’t.

When I came out from hiding in the restroom, I made some coffee and chatted with mom for a bit. I went up to my room and listened to some records and check my email. When asked, why I had come over, I said, “Just checking the mail.”
It was a holiday, there was no mail.

All in all, yesterday was pretty cool. I didn’t do anything, I lurked myspace and read my book for the entire day. When the Hawaiians came back from Ikea, at around ten, I just chatted it up with them. We talked about school, life, Italy, and Japan.

I really got to thinking about some stuff too. Like why do I smoke? I mean, I don’t crave cigarettes, and most simple reason I could think of why I do was this: to look cool in front of people. It’s really a shame; I do a lot of things just to feel comfortable around people. A friend of mine does this thing where if he needs to fart, he just lets it go; he doesn’t hide it or apologize for farting. I need to keep it real like him.

records and good freinds

i liked yesterday. the weather was still a little gray and i had a full tank of gas so possibilities were endless. i scarfed down a bananna and went over to my moms house. moms house was empty because she and john went to Arizona for god knows what. i check the mail and made some coffee. my turning point shirt came in from Thunder Lizard, that got me really excited so i chanded into it. heres what it looks like:


i googled directions to Amoeba and hit the road, i was to meet my freind Chris there for lunch and a record sesh. we ate at this cool salad bar, it wasnt necessarily vegetarian but it was nice that they were trying. we walked the block or so down to Amoeba where a man asked me for change, i politley ignored him by pulling my hood up to cover my left side. i got two Belle & Sabastien records: Tigertmilk and The Boy With the Arab Strap. Chris didn't get anything.



after i paid for my two records, we said goodbye and that we'd hang out more again. i was walking to the parking structure when the same guy that asked me for change saw me and yelled somehting that started with an M. i just laughed and smiled at him, he shot me a shirm and it was all good. that's him, the guy with the black shirt and a red sweater around his waist.

i got home around five in the afternoon. alex called asking if he left his sun glasses in my car, i said yeah and he came over. we hung out for a little at my house then we walked down the hill to get some coffee at It's A Grind. we talked about moveies and other stuff then we walked back to my place. i got a horrible leg cramp, im so out of shape...

we thought about going to the mall to go sneak into a movie, mindy was working that night. i drove us down town and we went to go say hi to Jordan at the arcade. Jordan told us a story about how he got jumped by some beefy fellows just for riding a fixed gear. (gawwwd i hat this town, everyone is so slose minded, i cant wait to be out of here.) we ended up not going to see a movie, instead i went to go pick up my brother and his freinds then back home. i burned some cds for alex then i drove my brother and i to my dad;s house and called it a night.

yes, yesterday was good.

ps

one more quick little thing

all im really working for, like my goal, is just to have a nice comfy couch and a rad coffee table whree i can put my feet up in a cool apartment. fuck, thats all i really want right now, that and to meet a super cool chick that can put up with my stupid whinny fits.

my name is pablo

man im too tired to type all this shit out.
today was really really fun.

alex rivera, i love you man, your one of my favorite people and im glad we met. when you said that im like your big brother, it made me feel super awesome, props for graduating son. phil, good guy right here, you too are of my favotite people. jesse, i love you man hahah we'll hang out lots of the summer. jordan and kykle, man it's nice to see you guys again. you actually want to get to know me which is rad, something i wouldn't have expected after just being aquaintes and then not seeing each other for a super long time. when i get my fixie we'll ride for sure.

it was really awesome seeing everyone that i haven't seen in forever, robyn, joe, cory, im talking about you. today is really what i needed, you could say that it got me out of thinking that im hopeless.



before i go let me say...
over the summer, i really want to get into not eating meat and trying out vegetarianism. belle and sabastien is amazing, feel free to get me more bands like them. i saw juno and i loved it, call me whatever i dont care.
charged...wow.

k thats all

animals!

today was very cool. i woke up at 7:30, took a shower, and made some coffee. today i wasnt going to lab, we were haveing a felid trip to the LA Zoo in Griffith Park. i exited the freeway and upon driving around, i noticed Jeremy's Volvo was right in front of me. "Oh god, i hope he doesnt see me," i thought to myslef, "Crap it's a red light!"
he saw me. Jeremy's a cool guy, i love the guy, but for some reason, every morning he'll bump into me on the way to class and its weird, i dont know. im not saying i dislike him but it's just weird that he finds me every morning we have class, hahah. so yeah, i chatted it up with Jeremy for an hour until the Zoo opened.
the Zoo was awesome but sad in the same way. after two hours, we were dismissed. most of the class went home, Jeremy said he had work at three. i decided to go on into the city, i went to American Apparel and bought a rad hoodie and a blue shirt witha colar. the blus shirt was too small so i think i'll try to sell it on ebay, no harm done.
so now im here in the Bio lab. i need to acumulate twenty something hours in two weeks so i decided to come here. it's kind of hard to study for so long so i just browse the internet reading blogs or do other homework. the tech guy here just took his shoes off and is looking a little too relaxed, its creepy.

siiiiiigh

k

when's the last time i wrote in this thing? any hoo, im good. i got dropped from history for missing a day. i have now successfully majorly fucked in every semester of class that I've signed up for. something did come of it though, i realized that history sucks and biology, evolution specifically, is way more interesting. if you think about it biology is like the questions you ponder when your high; what would happen if angiosperms went extinct, what would it be like to be a marsupial, shit like that. I'm saving telling my dad that i got got dropped for later; maybe he'll be stoke on be switching majors?

yeah, other school, things are pretty sweet. word on the 'space is that cody is coming down for a bit; miss that guy soo much. i miss all the kids i used to be best friends with back in high school, come to think of it. the fixie project is taking a lot longer than i expected. lots of buying stuff to find out that i got the wrong size, painting my frame then realizing that gravity plus wet paint will make my tubes look like veiny dicks, etc. i decided that im just going to get some guys in the industrial center to powder cot for me. once thats done, i just need a new stem and track chairing bolts then i'll have my bike back. i'll get track wheels later, i miss riding too much. i need to find a job..

heres a pic of me peeling a dude's scalp back last weekend.

recent pics...meh

im listening to Pedro the Lion on myspace, next time im at the record store, i need to get some Pedro the Lion. so i am beyond stoked for the Hour of the Wolf/Shook Ones/Creatures/Downpresser show at Mai's care on tuesday. im driving Phil and his CSUN buddy and maybe Mark-first show im driving to in my car woo!

here are some recent pics i upped to the computer at dad's house

cool article

i was reading the paper yesterday and i found this cool article. its about a lady who works at a cemetary; she heard this story about a man who fell in love with some chick in the early 1900's but the chick left for some actor guy. the guy died and the chick was super bummed so when she died, she had her heart burried with the OG guy and her body was burried with the actor guy. the article goes on to talk about how the cemetary desk lady, being a history nerd, got this Valentine's Day Tour going.

i thought it was really cool cus i like history a lot too, i am a history major. it was cool cus i realized that history doesnt have to be all about wars, presidents, and countries and shit, it can be about reagular ass people. the cemetary lady researched thses regualr people to talk about how they got together and stuff. its crazy how you can do that, like you can get a good idea of how something really specific a happened in the past (that sounds confusing). what i got from that article was basically like one of those things you think up if you were high

anyways, heres the article if you want to read it...

from the LA times
COLUMN ONE
Valentines from hearts now stilled

Email Picture
Carolyn Cole / Los Angeles Times
Gwen Kaminski, right, leads her “Love Stories of Laurel Hill” tour at the historic Philadelphia cemetery. It attracted nearly 50 people, mostly couples, who heard unusual and poignant tales of romance, faithfulness and loss on a wintry day.
A history buff whose heart has been broken shares love stories from a Victorian cemetery in Philadelphia.
By Erika Hayasaki, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
February 14, 2008
PHILADELPHIA -- On a stretch of land here dusted with the wings of sycamore seeds, love stories lie underground with the dead.

There is the human heart buried next to the man who first captured it. The body of a banker whose wife left him for a famous actor. The couple hit by a train after a wedding reception.


Side by side
click to enlarge
Time threatened to wash away the long-lost tales of romance and heartache trapped in Laurel Hill Cemetery, a Victorian-style graveyard overlooking the Schuylkill River.

Along came Gwen Kaminski, a history buff whose heart had been broken before she was hired at Laurel Hill. She worked in the cemetery's main office, which held a rich archive of yellowed burial records, newspaper obituaries and wedding announcements donated by historians and families over the years, along with rows of heavy, rusted keys that unlock century-old mausoleums.

For two years, Kaminski, 29, kept to herself running cemetery programs. As fall gave way to this winter, she strolled the burial ground blanketed in brown grass and bare oaks, thinking of the bones beneath her feet. What lessons, she wondered, loomed behind those faded unfamiliar names etched in dirt-smudged stone, those of the dead with last wishes to rest forever next to one they loved? What happens to feelings when they are buried with the people they belonged to?

In the office, she learned of Mary Peterson, who died on Dec. 7, 1912. Her body was buried with her second husband in another cemetery -- but she had requested her heart be removed and interred at Laurel Hill, alongside her first husband, Thomas Howard Peterson. Kaminski searched the Laurel Hill archives for Mary Peterson's file and found the interment record: It listed only her heart.

Peterson's story inspired her.

"I always thought I would know I had found 'the one,' when I could picture myself after my death lying next to that person for all of eternity," Kaminski said.

She began digging for more tales, spending late nights researching archives, the Internet and genealogists' records, copying handwritten love letters and black-and-white photos.

Kaminski wanted to tell these stories to the public, so she asked Laurel Hill's executive director, Ross L. Mitchell, if she could host a tour. It would be offered on the Saturday before Valentine's Day. She would call it: "Love Stories of Laurel Hill."



All morning, rain danced on the graves.

Kaminski had anticipated bad February weather, a snowstorm perhaps, so she planned to keep the tour in the cemetery's north end, closer to the shelter of the office. But she would not cancel. Nearly 50 people had signed up, mostly couples. They came bundled in scarves and gloves, holding umbrellas and paper coffee cups. A middle-aged couple with arms linked around each other's waists. A young couple holding hands. An elderly man who visits cemeteries around the world as a hobby.

Just after 2 p.m., Kaminski grabbed her notes and led the crowd down a path.

"Hi, everyone, my name is Gwen," she said, wrapped in a purple velour scarf. "I'll be your guide today -- um, this is the first time I'll be giving a tour."

As if on cue, the clouds peeled away, making way for the sun.

Kaminski had collected many stories to tell the group.

There was the one from 1930 about husband and wife Ulric and Katherine Dahlgren, who attended a wedding in which Ulric served as an usher. During the reception, Ulric noticed the newlyweds setting off for their honeymoon in Bermuda. Ulric grabbed his wife and tried to chase them down to say goodbye. But an oncoming train hit the Dahlgrens' car, killing Ulric. Katherine was injured, but survived.

Then Kaminski talked of Leo and Ralda Davendish. The couple dated for seven years before marrying. But three weeks after their wedding in 2001, Ralda died of a brain aneurysm. She never got to see the prints of her wedding pictures. Ralda was buried at Laurel Hill, and shortly after, Leo took a job at the cemetery office, Kaminski said, "undoubtedly as a way to still be close to her."

Kaminski led the group across the gravel, grass and muck, warning them to watch out for groundhog holes. She stopped at the graves of Charles and Elvira Ellet, which she had decorated that day with roses and American flags.

"By historical accounts Charles was not a very sociable man," Kaminski said. "He was reclusive, and romance was the last thing on his mind."

Forced one day to attend a social event, he met a petite brunet nicknamed Ellie. According to Kaminski's research, Ellie told her sister that Charles was the "most handsome man she had ever seen." They married Oct. 31, 1837, and had four children. Charles went on to build some of the first wire suspension bridges in the U.S., including one over Niagara Falls. During the Civil War, he was shot in the knee at the Battle of Memphis on June 6, 1862. His wound was not considered life-threatening, and he wrote to Ellie: "My anxiety is now for you, and . . . our dear little ones. Join me here my dear Wife and let us study out the future and talk over the past."

Days passed and his conditioned worsened. When Ellie arrived at his bedside on June 21, he was dead. She buried him at Laurel Hill on June 27, 1862.

"Only two days later," Kaminski told the group, "Ellie died of a broken heart."

Opened in 1836, Laurel Hill has 11,000 family lots; nearly 100,000 people are buried here. The dead include six Titanic victims; founders of the Republican Party; and 40 Civil War generals, including George G. Meade, the Union commander at Gettysburg.

For her tour, Kaminski narrowed the thousands of love stories to a dozen.

There was Leonard Moorhead Thomas, who died in 1937. The prominent Philadelphia banker, buried at Laurel Hill in a family plot, had married actress Blanche Oelrichs. One day, Oelrichs went to a jewelry shop to exchange a diamond tiara for a rope of pearls. While there, she met actor John Barrymore. She later called him "the most beautiful man that ever lived . . . like a young archangel." The two had an affair, and three years later Oelrichs divorced Thomas.

At the resting place of Elisha Kent Kane, a noted doctor and Arctic explorer, Kaminski recounted the story of a love long resisted.

Kane met Maggie Fox, a founding member of the spiritualist movement, in a hotel where she was conducting seances. At first his relationship with Fox was paternal, Kaminski said. Kane lectured her on how to dress and behave like a lady. Fox referred to him as "the Preacher." Two months after meeting her, Kane promised to marry her, but he would not tell the public or his family they were dating. Kane became ill after his last Arctic expedition, and died in 1857 at the age of 37. Ten years after his death, Fox wrote a book, "The Love-Life of Doctor Kane," revealing their romance.

Fox became a lonely alcoholic and died 36 years after Kane, at 59. While Kane rests at Laurel Hill, Fox was interred in a pauper's grave at Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Fox once wrote to Kane: "Should we never again meet in this world, we will in another. . . . Then you will know that I have loved you, and love you still."

Susan and Drew Dorfman, both 60, of Philadelphia, listened with interest. The couple met in college at 19 and have been married 40 years. They had driven past Laurel Hill many times; word of the tour gave them a reason to stop. The stories got them wondering: How will they be remembered when their time comes?

"I've never thought about it until this tour," Susan said. "So you die, you are over, you're buried."

About a month ago, the Dorfmans attended the funeral of a woman who died in her mid-50s after a long illness. They had been close friends with the woman and her husband. As her body was lowered in the ground, the Dorfmans watched her husband start to walk away, then turn back to reach for the casket, as if he did not know how to leave her.

People want to believe "there is something afterward that we don't really understand," Susan said, adding that it makes sense to want to be memorialized together.

"I think we'll give it some thought now."

The group stopped before a tall vase-shaped monument. The words engraved in stone read: "Tout Passe Except Love That Goes On Forever."

A red-framed copy of a New York Times notice published in 1914 sat propped against the stone. It announced the engagement of Theodore and Violet Jaeckel. Violet died in 1926, and her ashes were interred at Laurel Hill in an urn. Theodore remarried nine years after Violet's death, but he died a few months later. At his request, his ashes were placed inside that urn, Kaminski told the group, "mingled with Violet's for all of eternity."

"I thought the epitaph here, which he wrote for her, is so . . . " Kaminski paused, her voice breaking. She lifted her right hand to her heart, " . . . so moving."

She read the inscription: "Lovely, loving and beloved, life to her was a wondrous adventure which her tenderness, purity, courage, sweet courtesy, unselfish devotion glorified to her companion after the night apart dawn."



The tour ended with Etta James singing "At Last" on a portable CD player at a wine and cheese reception in the cemetery's gatehouse.

"When you walk through a cemetery like this, you look back on your life and look forward toward death," said Heather Ascher, 53. She attended with her husband, Michael, 65. "What would I want her to say about me and my spouse if she put that rose on our gravestone?"

After the people left, Kaminski sat at a long scarred wooden table reflecting on what led her to these stories. Before taking the job in the summer of 2005, Kaminski ended an eight-year relationship. "That," she said, "was a death in and of itself."

Their lives had been so intertwined, it felt like letting go of part of herself. She poured herself into Laurel Hill.

A year later, another man began showering her with affection. Kaminski denied having feelings. She talked it over with her mother: "What am I afraid of?"

"Once I let go of all my fears and apprehensions . . . then I knew."

She smiled with a hint of embarrassment and delight.

"He is the one," she said. "I know he is."

Kaminski has read hundreds of epitaphs during her time at Laurel Hill. One phrase she sees over and over: "Love is stronger than death."

She thinks of the Ellets, the Jaeckels, the Davendishes. Mary Peterson.

Maybe, Kaminski said, she is too naive for wanting to believe. Maybe she should listen to the part of her that doubts soul mates or an afterlife.

Then again, she tells herself, maybe not.

erika.hayasaki@latimes.com

i really should blog more or else whats the point of having this. i got a car!! its a for focus hatchback and its black. i love it. i drive places, school, stores, houses. yeahh

i just did my finals, but for fucking winter classes so its not like it means anything. im getting a job for next month-i need to drive the hell out of my car until then cus mom pays for gas.

sooo yeahhh...

heres BRACEWAR's set from SOUND AND FURY '07. listen

http://www.1917records.com/soundandfury/bracewar-soundandfury2007.mp3
http://www.1917records.com/soundandfury/bracewar-soundandfury2007.mp3
http://www.1917records.com/soundandfury/bracewar-soundandfury2007.mp3
http://www.1917records.com/soundandfury/bracewar-soundandfury2007.mp3

new shit for 2008

wat up fgts. i turned 19 a while ago. im taking winter classes so break is over for me =/. this weekend i did nothing but tinker with my bike.i chopped/flipped the bars, now reppin the horns, and i put on a new 1 3/4 wheelset. im now riding 42/16.

pics soon.

im out